I knew from the start that my marriage would be different. My wife wanted separate apartments.
I went for a walk.
Couldn’t find a store that sold one.
I spent $10,000 on home improvements and now my home wants to leave me.
I am of mixed ancestry. I am part Italian, part Chinese and part fish. I just hope that it’s not part goldfish because when I die, I’ll be flushed down the toilet.
I woke up on the roof of my house today. I know that I went to sleep in my bed and my wife insists that she didn’t drag me there. I questioned my neighbors but they all pleaded innocence. I suspect it was my cat. We haven’t been getting along ever since I cancelled Netflix.
My dad bought me my first car. Actually he just gave me one tire. I had to supply the rest.
My neighbor took me to court in a civil suit. I responded by going to court in a polyester suit.