Presidential Politics

Giuliani says Trump ‘probably’ has the power to pardon himself

For the record, I thought of that YEARS before Giuliani –

Election Day for President of the United States

This is the story of Harry Keaton – a candidate for the Presidency of the United States. It is Election Day and Harry is the overwhelming favorite to win! What could possibly go wrong? Well, on the day before the election, Harry had a few drinks and does something that could not only cost him the election but also put him behind bars. On Election Day morning he discovers what he has done and, with the help of his campaign manager, his Vice-Presidential running mate, two Secret Service agents and his wife, he attempts to cover up what becomes known as “the incident”. And he only has about 16 hours to succeed.

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A friend made a salad with Guacamole which confused me. I thought Guacamole was a line of clothing.

Home Decorating

My mother redecorated her house. She held a séance and claimed a ghost made the suggestions. After seeing the result I told her to get a new ghost.

Mt. Everest

I traveled to France because I wanted to climb Mt. Everest. When I got there, I didn’t see it so I asked a lady for directions. She took me to a nearby café with the name Mt. Everest. I expected it to be a lot bigger. There were just 5 steps to get to the top. I wasn’t impressed. A patron in the café told me about the Eiffel Tower. He said it was very tall. I asked him where it was. He said in Nepal. That’s next to China. I’m catching a plane in the morning.


Yesterday I saw a man sweeping the sidewalk. I offered him $50 to finish the world.

Becoming a Man

I joined the Marines to become a man. Previously I was a water buffalo.

Bath Time

My mother never gave me a bath as a baby. Instead, she strapped me to the roof of her car and drove through a car wash.