Grandpa

My grandfather was a jogging enthusiast.
When he died, he didn’t have the traditional wake.
Instead of a coffin, he was put on a treadmill.

Mom….

My mother is a person who will never admit to anything.
If I accused her of being a woman, she would deny it.

Sleeping

Every night I have the same nightmare.
I’m married to a female wrestler
who beats me up and wears my underwear.

Beethoven said…

Beethoven said, “While all violins are stringed instruments,
not all stringed instruments are shirts.”
He discovered this when he attempted to wear his harp.

Non-Stop…

I don’t understand how anyone can fly non-stop.
If it’s non-stop, how do they get off the plane when they get there?

Getting Married…

I knew from the start that my marriage would be different.
My wife wanted separate apartments.

The Pilot

I received an airline job ad in the mail.
It said that if I could carry luggage
I was eligible for their pilot’s training program.

Growing Up…

I was 12 years old when I learned that being
buried alive wasn’t a regular part of family life.

Paintings in a Museum

The black one or the black one or the black one.
Choices, choices….

Astronomy for Beginners

If the Earth is round and has satellites orbiting it, why can’t our heads, which are also round,
have satellites orbiting them?