UFO’s & Aliens & UFOs

UFOs – Are they the imagination of many? Or are they for real. If they do exist, are they a menace? Or are they peaceful? Are they Jewish? Or are they Gentile? Are they employed? Or have they come looking for a job? These questions and many more must be answered if we’re to know the full story behind these visitors from outer space.

In light of recent evidence, we have a new awareness that the “aliens” have aided us down through the centuries. The ancient Chinese remember them as the “Bringer of Detergent” giving rise to a future chain of hand laundries throughout the world. The aliens gave the Vikings deodorant and thus doubled their life expectancy. The Egyptians received the world’s first daily newspaper from them, the “Pyramid Gazette”, which also inspired them to build the pyramids. And the aliens introduced “Kool-Aid” to the Arabs to help them beat the heat.

Then we have the stories told by people who have come into contact with the aliens. Here is one account…
Late in the evening in 1960 in Arkansas, Bobby and his Mom were abducted by a UFO. They claim that they were taken to the alien’s home-world and were fed knockwurst and sauerkraut for lunch. Upon finishing they were told why they had been abducted. Alien archeologists were excavating and had made a discovery – an object that resembled the Earth’s toilet. Then one of the aliens accidentally flushed it. Well, it was still in working order and it was also clogged, so it backed up and overflowed. And it continued overflowing for days. All work at the archaeology site ground to a halt. The aliens, not knowing what to do, decided to travel to Earth to find a plumber. Upon reaching Earth and searching through the phone book, they settled on little Bobby and his Mom. (They ran a small plumbing business.)

Back at the archaeology site, Bobby and his Mom quickly sized up the situation and what they would require. Since they didn’t have their tools with them, they drew a sketch for the aliens of what they needed. The aliens sent the design off to their factory and 2 weeks later Bobby and his Mom received the tool – a plunger.

Immediately they went to work and the toilet was fixed. Bobby and his Mom became instant celebrities on the alien planet. They were awarded a year’s supply of knockwurst and sauerkraut, made guest appearances on TV shows and cut-the-ribbon on a plumbing school built and named in their honor. (Bobby and his Mom oversaw the curriculum for the school.)

After a period of time, they were returned to Earth and told their story. Naturally no one believed them. They were shunned by their community, had to close their plumbing business and move away. It was about 40 years later, Bobby was living in Montana, his mother had since died, that local residents thought maybe the story was true. On one night, a group of fisherman spotted a UFO landing on Bobby’s property. One of the alien’s knocked on Bobby’s door, he answered and spoke to alien. Bobby went back into his house, and then came back out with a plunger in hand, entered the UFO, then came back out a few minutes later. The aliens shook hands with Bobby, got back in their UFO and then flew away. Maybe it was true after all.

Let Me Finish My Thought….

When I first heard the word “microwave”, I thought they where talking about a small beach.

Here Fido! (A Short Story)

“Tom’s dog died,” said Paul, Tom’s brother. Paul was sitting on his porch, quietly rocking the October evening away.
“No!” replied Jim, a friend. “He loved that animal. How long did he have that dog?”
“About 15 years.”
“So what’d he do with it? Bury him in his backyard?”
“No. Tom figured on a pet cemetery.”
“You don’t say.” said Jim.
“To start, Tom made the coffin for his dog. He wrapped Fido up in aluminum foil to contain any bad odor. He laid the dog in the coffin. He lit candles and had a CD playing the dog’s favorite song, Elvis singing ‘Hound Dog’.”
“Then he arranged for a wake with animals. There must’ve been about 20 cats and dogs and a bunch of parakeets yaking away. And Tom tried training one parakeet to deliver the eulogy. The dog loved birds and Tom thought it would’ve been nice but the bird just kept saying, ‘You’re going to hell! You’re going to hell!’ It belonged to a minister.
“The next day Tom called the pet cemetery and made arrangements for burial but the place couldn’t accept delivery for 2 days. In the meantime, Tom kept the dog, now wrapped in 3 layers of aluminum foil, in his freezer. He forgot to tell his wife when she reached in and pulled out the dog thinking it was a steak all ready for the oven. Two hours later it was cooked. Luckily Tom found out before his wife took a bite. He decided to put the dog in a safety deposit box in a bank.
“When Friday came and it was time to take the dog to the cemetery, Tom went to the bank to discover that the IRS had a court order to open up box 163 but mistakenly opened up 164 which was Tom’s. Well, they were pretty surprised to find a cooked dog inside.
“The bank employees had disposed of the dog by putting it into a trash compactor. Tom explained the situation and the dog was returned, but it had been squeezed down to half its former size.
“Tom took Fido, put it in a bag and left. He returned to his car and when he got there a mugger robbed him at gunpoint taking his wallet and the bag. Tom tried telling the thief that there was nothing but a dead dog inside but the crook took it anyway. Can you imagine the look on that guy’s face when he opened the bag?” laughed Paul.
“Anyway,” he continued, “when Tom returned home the police called him and said they got the thief and he could pickup his bag. Tom rushed over, claimed his bag and dog and headed to the pet cemetery. This time he finally made it.
“He was asked a lot of questions by the cemetery owners why the dog was cooked, compacted and wrapped in foil and Tom explained everything. The burial was arranged for Sunday so Tom went home happy. However, on Saturday, he got a call from the manager of the cemetery. They had made a mistake and cremated the dog, but the mistake was discovered in time so only half the dog was cremated.
“Tom was very depressed at this point. All he could say was, ‘My dear Fido. My dear Fido. What have they done to you?’
“Then Sunday morning came and as he was getting ready to leave for the burial service, he got another call from the cemetery manager. This time they said they the dog had somehow got mixed in with some paper documents that were headed for an industrial shredder and, well, the dog had been shredded. And, at that point, Tom had a nervous breakdown.”
“Did they finally bury the dog?” asked Jim.
“Yea, in pieces. Tom never made it though. He was in the hospital at the time. His wife is talking about getting him another dog soon hoping that’ll help him get better.”
“Yea, it might,” said Jim.

Thought for the Day…

If the Earth is round and has satellites orbiting it, why can’t our heads, which are also round, have satellites orbiting them?