Dating & Family

I found out some disturbing news recently.
My mother told me that I have a twin brother that I’ve never met.
I also found out that he likes to dress up as a woman.
And, without my knowing it, I’ve been dating him.

Unemployed

I was fired from my job for combing my hair all day.
I told my boss, I thought that WAS my job.

My Brother

My brother was born with a rare illness known as “Alka-Seltzeritiz”.
After he was given his first bath, he just fizzed away.

The Eternal Question

Scientists spend a lot of time wondering where the moon came from.
My parents spent a lot of time wondering where I came from.
Some answers are unknowable.

Astronomy 101

If the Earth is round and has satellites orbiting it,
why can’t our heads, which are also round,
have satellites orbiting them?

Happy Father’s Day, Dad!

Family-Kids

And if you haven’t gotten a gift for Dad yet, check out my new humor book – 
(there are no) Answers to the Mysteries – available on Amazon.

My book explores a variety of phenomena – Ghosts, UFOs, Bigfoot, the Bermuda Triangle, Life after Death, Reincarnation and Atlantis the Lost Continent. I set out to explore and search for answers to these mysteries. Are UFOs visiting us? Is Reincarnation real? Where is Atlantis today? Is Bigfoot alive and well? (Hint: It’s all made up.)

(Heck, if I put my kids in a refrigerator, my book can’t be all bad.)

Winter & Summer

I met a man who said he didn’t believe in winter.
On the coldest day of the year he stood
outside wearing only shorts and t-shirt.
I stood next to him wearing a parka, gloves and hat
and said that I didn’t believe in summer.

Fine Dining….

dinner plate

….at a trendy, avante-garde, restaurant.
The special for the evening was a 1/2 inch cheese cube.

The taste was light, but filling.
There were subtle hints of lilac and rose petals.

The chef took a bow to thunderous applause.
Later in the evening he was spotted at McDonald’s.
The invited guests for the evening went to Burger King.

From my Book…

7:30 PM

I arrived at the haunted house with an overnight bag. My suitcase contained several crucifixes, multiple bottles of Holy Water and the phone number and address of every Catholic Church within ten miles. (I admit that I was apprehensive.) The home’s appearance did nothing to allay my fears. One could imagine a Hollywood set designer building this house with a horror movie in mind. It was three stories tall with multiple gables. The sight of it could cause a non-believer to become a believer. For a moment I considered turning around and fleeing. Nevertheless, I had a story to tell and knocked on the front door. The homeowners opened the door and could see that I was nervous. They reassured me that everything would be fine. I entered the home.

From the chapter titled –  “Ghosts, Reincarnation & Life after Death” – in my new book (there are no) Answers to the Mysteries which is available on Amazon Kindle and if you don’t have one, download the Kindle app for your Mac or Windows.

The Cook

colander

This is what happens when my wife cooks for me.
Her cooking will be the subject of my next book.
(If I live to write it.)