The Philosopher

Plato said “Questioning people on
their deathbed leaves us with many
unanswered questions and the sudden realization
that now we can never collect the money owed us.”

No kidding today…..

Got an email from Amazon. I was informed that I’d be receiving a royalty check for sales of my Kindle Book – (there are no) Answers to the Mysteries. So now I can honestly say that I am an “internationally published (purchased in England), and paid, author”.

This feels like a Twilight Zone episode.

The Answers…

I wonder why people say, “I don’t have all the answers.”
Was somebody asking them all the questions?

Mysteries of Life

What are the answers to these mysteries?

– Who were the Watermelon Men of Los Angeles?
– Who was the well-dressed businessman found buried
under 2 feet of ice in the Antarctica?
– Who were the people living in Australia
that ate a diet of mostly size 12 shoes?
– Bigfoot… Who is this creature?
Is it just a foot or does it have a whole body attached?

Vanishing…..

Lawrence Canaby holds the “dubious” record for
vanishing socks in the Bermuda Triangle.
A cruise ship captain, Mr. Canaby has sailed
through the Triangle thousands of times
with his socks disappearing* on each trip.

*They vanish while he is wearing them.
(A crew member suggested that he simply stop wearing socks.
When he did, his underwear then vanished.)

News from the Tabloids!

“In 1973, Ronald Smith claimed that he was invincible and was willing to take on any challengers. A junkyard in his town responded with the challenge of him escaping from their automobile compactor. Smith accepted the offer and allowed himself to be seated in a 1965 Chevy, which was placed in the compacter and crushed into a one-inch cube. Men screamed, women fainted and children applauded when Mr. Smith emerged from the compactor as the world’s only one inch man.”

From my new book (there are no) Answers to the Mysteries

Mom

I took my mother to a museum.
She’s on display in the dinosaur exhibit.

Life Insurance

My wife purchased a $1 million life insurance policy for her cat.
I bought a dog.

My Doctor

I stopped seeing my psychiatrist when
he started thinking that he was the couch.

Personal Space

I moved into a new apartment.
It’s only one room but has 15 closets.