I stopped buying pants made of cotton.
Now I buy them made of Brazil Nuts

My ebook (there are no) Answers to the Mysteries
is available from Amazon today For Free.
So go download it!


I met a girl without a sense of humor.
So I bought her one.


I don’t understand why I have all these thoughts.
I never paid for any of them.

Space to Fill

Just returned from a trip to New Mexico.
Thousands of miles of empty space.
It’s a hoarder’s dream to fill.


I’ve been visited by UFOs.
They’re constantly siphoning gas out of my car.


After I was born my mother thought I should have a job.
She met some Hollywood agents and tried to get me one
working in the movies – as a stunt baby.

The Moon

In 1965 Larry Peddlefee settled a millennia old controversy
when he proved that the Earth DOES have a moon circling it.
He did this by looking into the sky and pointing directly at it.


Everyday people hear voices telling them what to do.
My voices tell me to change my underwear.

The Therapist

My therapist says that he cannot make a complete diagnosis until
he has examines my apartment. He is presently meeting with my goldfish.

Uh oh…

My uncle was laid to rest 6 months ago.
Yesterday I received a letter from him
asking for more socks and underwear.