My mother is a Siamese twin.
She looks just like our cat.

A Religious Life

When I was younger, I wanted to be a priest.
My older brother wanted to be a nun.
I changed my mind.
My brother didn’t.


My mother wanted to enroll me in a student exchange
program but Russia wasn’t accepting 1st graders.


I’ve been thinking about writing a book.
My wife’s been thinking about reading one.
We’ve decided to get together.
She’s going to read her book aloud and I’m going to write it down.

The Beard…

Why do men shave their heads then grow a beard?
Do they think that their heads are on upside down?


I’ve been receiving alien messages from outer space.
They’re telling me that I’m wearing the wrong shoe size.

Daily Mail…

There must be life in Outer Space.
I’ve been getting their mail.


Given the size of the universe,
I wonder what it would cost to have it painted?