Russian Competition

In Russia a popular sport is pole-vaulting but most Russians do not have the necessary equipment so they have to substitute. Instead of jumping over poles, they jump over goats. It’s called “goat-vaulting”.

“I am Putin!”

Putin20121201XmasTree130

“And I have come to cut down my Christmas tree!!”

Marriage

I knew from the start that my marriage would be different.
My wife wanted separate apartments.

On My Feet…

I stopped wearing shoes because I wondered,
“Am I wearing the shoes out, or am I wearing the Earth out?”

Returning Home…

I returned from vacation a disappointed man. I left my 90 year old mother with instructions to fix my car and found her still working on the transmission. My spirits needed uplifting. Someone handed me a brochure of adult education lectures. This was my answer.

My first choice was “Yoga” but I arrived to class to find everyone making “Yogurt”. Obviously a typo. Next on the list was “Vegetarianism – How to Recognize a Vegetable When You See One”. I was tossed out of the class when I got into a brawl with the teacher when I told him that broccoli wasn’t a vegetable but a small tree.

As I procrastinated making a another choice, friends spoke highly of the lectures they attended. One friend happily discovered at the “Right Brain/Left Brain” lecture that he had both halves.

Wednesday passed with still no decision. However I did notice a growth on my foot and scratched “Modern Dance” off the list.

I scanned the brochure one last time. One lecture jumped out at me, “Alcohol and Drug Abuse – How to Get Started”. I wanted to do this with my Dad, but he wasn’t interested.

The series of lectures were coming to an end and I still hadn’t found something. Then I spotted the perfect one, “How to Fix Your Transmission”. Perfect! My Mom could finally get the job done.

Growing Up…

Growing up was especially difficult in my family
because my mother did everything she could to prevent it.

Dating…

I thought that I lost my laptop until I found that my dog had it.
He joined an online dating service to meet other dogs. His personality
profile states “Looking for a poodle to settle down with.”