My Aunt…

My aunt, through a quirk of nature, doesn’t have the usual problem associated with intestinal gas. Instead, when her stomach is in distress, it built up “nitrous oxide”, which is commonly known as “laughing gas.” She was always the life of the party and no one ever knew why. Her husband, a dentist, used her natural ability at the office for the patients.

The Seasons

I met a man who said he didn’t believe in winter.
On the coldest day of the year he stood
outside wearing only shorts and t-shirt.
I stood next to him wearing a parka, gloves and hat
and said that I didn’t believe in summer.

My Dog

I found my dog sitting by my computer the other day.
He was emailing love letters to my wife.

Mom, I hardly knew ya…

My mother is a person who will never admit to anything.
If I accused her of being a woman, she would deny it.

My Brother…

My brother was born with a rare illness known as “Alka-Seltzeritiz”.
After he was given his first bath, he just fizzed away.

My Ancestors

My ancestors from the old country were very religious.
Some holy days were celebrated with a sacrificial offering.
This was the reason why my parents moved to the United States.
It was their turn to burn at the stake.