A Different Kind of Fracking…

George Peterson has developed the world’s first line of “Gasoline Clothes”. Produced in a variety of styles and colors ranging from 3-piece suits to blue jeans, these clothes can power a car. “So if you ever run out of gas again,” Mr. Peters stated, “you simply take off your shirt, put it in the gas tank and drive off.”

Author! Author!

I’ve been thinking about writing a book.
My wife’s been thinking about reading one.
We’ve decided to get together.
She’s going to read her book aloud and I’m going to write it down.

Sleeping

Every night I have the same nightmare.
I’m married to a female wrestler
who beats me up and wears my underwear.

My First Car…

I bought my first car when I was 19.
It was by mail order subscription.
I received one part per month for 22 years.
Then the government announced a recall for a defective part.
The company that sold me the car said I had to
return it mailing it back like I received it.
One part per month.

Wisdom

“Plato was quoted saying ‘Questioning people on their deathbed
only leaves us with many unanswered questions, or the
sudden realization that now we can never collect the money owed us.’”

From my book (there are no) Answers to the Mysteries.

Beethoven said…

Beethoven said, “While all violins are stringed instruments,
not all stringed instruments are shirts.”
He discovered this when he attempted to wear his harp.

Non-Stop…

I don’t understand how anyone can fly non-stop.
If it’s non-stop, how do they get off the plane when they get there?

Can’t Explain This…

LuAnne Kramer holds the record as the world’s most misidentified woman. For years, thousands of people have mistaken her for somebody else with the height of error coming when a supermarket shopper grabbed Ms. Kramer thinking that she was a loaf of whole wheat bread.

Portrait of the Curler Family

Family-Portrait

The Curler Family. Voted most likely to have the nicest hair.

Inflation

I get my economic news from my neighbor’s cow.
Bessie told him that the price of milk would be going up.
(I didn’t ask how Bessie told him but the price did go up.)