Uncle Ted…

I buried my uncle two weeks ago.
Yesterday I received a letter from him
asking for more socks and underwear.


My mother is a person who will never admit to anything.
If I accused her of being a woman, she would deny it.


“I just got laid off,” he said, walking in the front door.
“Oh my God! Why? How?” she asked.
“They don’t need me anymore.” He walked into the living room.
“But you work at the unemployment office. How do you get laid off from there?”
“I guess everyone’s gone back to work,” he said, sitting down in a chair.
“What rotten news.” She sat next to him.
“I knew it was coming. Every night on the news, they kept reporting that the unemployment index was going down.”
“That stinks.”
“You’re telling me,” he said, rubbing his eyes.
“Do you think anything will happen to make it go back up?” she asked, showing her support.
“You mean like a depression?”
She nodded.
“I don’t know. I wish,” he said, pausing a moment. “But ain’t that a terrible thing to hope for? Maybe I’ll just wish for a recession. That’s not as bad.”
“I should’ve never voted for that Democrat.”
“It wouldn’t have mattered.”
“Any others at the office get the axe?” she asked.
“Ten others did.”
“Including Jim?”
“They didn’t have to lay him off,” he said. “He had an accident yesterday.”
She looked at him, waiting for an explanation.
“Remember he got that new rug?”
She nodded.
“And it had that deep plush pile?”
“Well, walking around on it built up a large static charge. When he grabbed the front door knob, he electrocuted himself.”
“I never heard of such a thing.”
“That’s why I prefer linoleum.”
“I see your point,” she said.
“Funeral’s tomorrow.”
“After that I head over to the unemployment office to file a claim.”

The Chapter 4 opening in my book 5 Pumpkins & a Head.