I met my cousin for lunch. She is afraid that China will convert ocean water into clean drinking water and the 1 billion Chinese people will swallow all the water leaving her with nothing to wash her hair. I suggested she might try using a dry shampoo.
I took my pants to the dry cleaners but didn’t have enough money so I asked them to clean just one leg. Wouldn’t you know, the guy cleaned the wrong one.
I met with a new client. He asked if I had any opinions about the Moon. I said no. He smiled. “I just bought a house there,” he added. “I love it but the commute is a killer.” Wasn’t sure if I wanted this guy as a client.
I traveled to France because I wanted to climb Mt. Everest. When I got there, I didn’t see it so I asked a lady for directions. She took me to a nearby café with the name Mt. Everest. I expected it to be a lot bigger. There were just 5 steps to get to the top. I wasn’t impressed. A patron in the café told me about the Eiffel Tower. He said it was very tall. I asked him where it was. He said in Nepal. That’s next to China. I’m catching a plane in the morning.
I met my dream girl today while riding the bus. She approached me offering to iron my shirts. Then she said that she’d also iron my socks. I was in love. I became jealous when I heard her offering to iron another man’s tie. I jumped off the bus at the next stop forgetting that I was the driver.
I applied for a job in a restaurant. The man interviewing me said that he wanted someone with astronaut experience. I showed him a photo of the moon that I kept in my wallet. I start next week.
To be continued…
I received a call from my Mother today. She always calls after she sets someone’s house on fire. She inquired if I had oatmeal for breakfast. I said maybe. I ate something but wasn’t sure what it was. It tasted like an orange but could have been oatmeal.
To be continued…
I awoke today wearing a tuxedo. I didn’t remember putting it on, but hoped that I had won a major award. I sat upright on the edge of my bed wondering where my wife was but quickly remembered that I didn’t have a wife. Next to the bed was a nightstand with a photo of a child at the beach being splashed by a wave. I stared at the image and could feel the water splashing over me. I was soaking wet. Reaching for the bar of soap that I kept under my pillow, I washed up.
To be continued….
In 1965 Larry Peddlefee settled a millennia old controversy
when he proved that the Earth DOES have a moon circling it.
He did this by looking into the sky and pointing directly at it.