Good Morning…..Day 287

I bought a new mobile phone. It has a miniature showerhead. I attached a bottle of water and gave myself a shower.

Good Morning…..Day 281

I bought my first car by mail order subscription. I received one part per month for 10 years. Then the government announced a recall for a defective part. The company that sold me the car said I had to return it mailing it back like I received it – one part per month.

Good Morning…..Day 275

I awoke this morning realizing that I didn’t know what day it was. With everything I’ve been doing, I had lost track. Frustrated I switched on the TV looking for the answer. Only one channel worked and it was a guy speaking Russian. I turned on my computer. A virus had corrupted it and it was saying, “I love you”. (Also in Russian.) I tried my radio. Everything was in Swedish. Finally I looked at my dog. He could tell that I was upset. He ran into my bedroom and dragged out a dirty pair of pants and plopped it in from of me.
“That’s it!” I shouted. “It’s laundry day!”
I love my dog.

Good Morning…..Day 273

I went to a restaurant for breakfast today. As I entered the place, a sign hung from the ceiling. It read, “Menus in Braille”. How would a blind person read that?

Good Morning…..Day 272

My nephew is at a crossroads. He’s entering college and can’t decide on a major. I suggested philosophy. I said that as a philosopher you never have to be right. You make suggestions, have opinions, speak extemporaneously and don’t have to concern yourself with facts. There is only one exception. You have to know how to spell “Nietzsche”. And if you can grow a mustache like him, that’ll guarantee you a job.