Good Morning…..Day 330

I found my dog sitting at my computer today. He was emailing love letters to my wife. I’m the one who feeds him. He should be writing them to me.

Good Morning…..Day 329

I applied for a job in a restaurant. The man interviewing me said that he wanted someone with astronaut experience. I showed him a photo of the moon that I kept in my wallet. I start next week.

Good Morning…..Day 328

I awoke today wearing a tuxedo. I didn’t remember putting it on, but hoped that I had won a major award. I sat upright on the edge of my bed wondering where my wife was but quickly remembered that I didn’t have a wife. Next to the bed was a nightstand with a photo of a child at the beach being splashed by a wave. I stared at the image and could feel the water splashing over me. I was soaking wet. Reaching for the bar of soap that I kept under my pillow, I washed up.

Good Morning…..Day 323

Finally started using my vacuum to clean the floors in my house. I was using mine to wash the dishes. I wondered why I kept getting electric shocks.

Good Morning…..Day 322

From my book (there are no) Answers to the Mysteries –

Plato was quoted saying “Questioning people on their deathbed only leaves us with many unanswered questions or the sudden realization that now we can never collect the money owed us.”

Good Morning…..Day 320

I awoke today feeling depressed. My wife left me recently. She said it was because I slept on a mattress covered in granola bars. I was confused. I took them out of the wrappers.

Good Morning…..Day 319

I received a call from my Mother today. She always calls after she sets someone’s house on fire. She inquired if I had oatmeal for breakfast. I said maybe. I ate something but wasn’t sure what it was. It tasted like an orange but could have been oatmeal.