Good Afternoon…..Day 98

I awoke today feeling depressed. My wife left me recently. She said it was because I slept on a mattress covered in granola bars. I was confused. I took them out of the wrappers.

Good Afternoon…..Day 96

With all the disappointment I have encountered in dating, I have developed an approach to help weed out the bad choices.
1- I invite the young lady to my home and cook her a meal made from cat food.
2- I sue her for everything she’s got.
3– I have her do the laundry of all my neighbors.
4– She has to be earning a 6-figure income.
If the above items are met, then I know my dream girl has arrived. To date, none have passed number 3.

Good Afternoon…..Day 94

I visited a museum today to see the Egyptian exhibition and I was shocked. There were plenty of artifacts on display but they were all damaged! A sarcophagus, several statues and some stone sculptures – all of it was chipped or badly cracked! One statue was missing an arm! I asked a security guard if a vandal had broken in and smashed everything. He said no, that the artifacts were thousands of years old and had been damaged over time. I said when I go see a movie about ancient Egypt, everything in the movie is in perfect shape so giving me the “it’s all old” excuse is NO excuse. I paid money to see broken stuff. I left very angry.

Good Afternoon…..Day 93

My mother called today to complain. She says I don’t like her cooking but that isn’t true. I’m afraid of it. A nearby hospital is using it to cure cancer and the government says that it’s causing global warming. So I’m left wondering, just what is in those spaghetti and meatballs?

Good Afternoon…..Day 90

I met a girl without a sense of humor. So I bought her one.

Good Afternoon…..Day 86

I don’t understand why I have all these thoughts. I never paid for any of them.