Vanished Civilizations

Recently I purchased the book “How to Search for Anything – Including Lost Civilizations” by Ronald Normans Ph.D. On page 39 he wrote:
“The search for a vanished civilization is similar to one conducted when looking for a laundromat.” (Reprinted with permission.)

Unexplainable

In 1973, Ronald Smith claimed that he was invincible and was willing to take on any challengers. A junkyard in his town responded with the challenge of him escaping from their automobile compactor. Smith accepted the offer and allowed himself to be seated in a 1965 Chevy, which was placed in the compacter and crushed into a one-inch cube. Men screamed, women fainted and children applauded when Mr. Smith emerged from the compactor as the world’s only one inch man.

The Vikings

It was recently discovered that Aliens gave the Vikings deodorant and thus doubled their life expectancy.

Plato

Plato was quoted saying “Questioning people on their deathbed only leaves us with many unanswered questions and the sudden realization that now we can never collect the money owed us.”

Call the Plumber

Late in the evening in Arkansas, David Atkins was abducted by a UFO. He claimed that he was taken to the alien’s home world where archeologists were excavating and made a discovery. They found an object that resembled the Earth’s toilet. One of the aliens accidentally flushed it. Well, it was still in working order and it was also clogged, so it backed up and overflowed. And it continued overflowing for days. All work at the archaeology site ground to a halt. The aliens, not knowing what to do, traveled to the Earth to find a plumber. Upon reaching the planet they located Mr. Atkins. (He owned a plumbing business.)
Returning to the archaeology site, Mr. Atkins surveyed the damage. Since he didn’t have his tools with him, he drew a diagram for the aliens to show what he needed to make the repair. The aliens sent the diagram to a factory and 2 weeks later Mr. Atkins received the tool – a plunger. Immediately he went to work and the toilet was fixed.

Headlights

Why are the lights on cars called “headlights” where there are no heads involved?

UFOs

My friend says aliens have abducted her. I wasn’t so lucky. When they visit me, they siphon the gas out of my car.

Learning to Play…

My girlfriend wanted to learn how to play a musical instrument and she asked me to help her pick one. I suggested a piano. She came home with a guitar.
I said, “That’s not a piano.”
She said, “It’s not?”
I suggested maybe she should learn to play tennis instead.
This time she came home with a bowling ball.
(Help!)

Broken Arm

I fell this morning breaking my arm so I rushed to the hospital. After the ER doctor examined me, he said my arm was fine but I had broken my leg. I said that I just walked on it, that it felt fine and it was my arm that was broken. Another doctor came over, she examined me and said both my arm and leg were fine, but I had sprained my ankle. The doctors got into a heated argument and started fighting. The cops were called. One of the cops also was a paramedic and he said that I wasn’t injured but I needed glasses.
I walked out of the ER to the nearest bakery where the owner wrapped some croissants around my arm. Finally, I got some help.

Twins

My mother is a Siamese twin. She looks just like our cat.