My Father, the Surgeon

My father earned money doing odd jobs. At times he was a janitor, a window washer and a heart surgeon. Once, in the middle of surgery, he was called away to unclog a toilet.

Favorite Time of Year

My favorite time of the year is daytime. I don’t know why people choose a season.

King Kong

A film magazine requested I write a review of the 1933 movie “King Kong”.

King Kong

A film I both loved and hated. A film that is both confusing and enlightening. A film that explores the human condition and what it’s like to sit still.
I loved the scene of the wicked witch. I loved the scene of the boat sinking. I loved the scene of flying saucer exploding. This movie, this didactic experiment, took me on a journey into the unknown. The scenes photographed in black & white examined the soul of a man and the expressions of a goat. Those moments filled me with terror and elation knowing the protagonist would be punished. The scenes filmed in color provided an emotional lift similar to my experience of riding in a bus.
I have always believed a movie that moves me is a movie to avoid. And, on the opposite side, a movie that doesn’t move me is a movie to see. Please, do yourself a favor and see “King Kong”. It is a masterpiece.
(After handing in my film review, the magazine editor informed me that King Kong is about a giant ape and they didn’t know what movie I had written about. Rereading my article, I didn’t either but I did rent a copy of King Kong. My quickie review – It’s great fun!”)

Retirement

I started my retirement fund when I was 10. Now that I’m over 50, I have reached my goal but I’ve run out of space for all the canned food I’ve saved.

Dust Spots

I have a problem with my eyesight. I see spots. Every night I look into the sky and see a big one. I saw a doctor and he said it was the moon. I didn’t know they called dust spots “the moon”

Dishwashing

I wash the dishes on holidays and birthdays. The rest of the year I velcro them to my car and drive through a car wash.

Going to the Mall

When I was a kid, my friends would ride their bicycles to the mall. My Mom got me a plane.

Daylight Savings Time

When it’s “Daylight Savings Time” people set their clocks ahead one hour. I observe “Monthly Savings Time” and set my calendar ahead one month. I celebrate July 4th on Memorial Day.

Government Secrets

My mother worked for the C.I.A. My father worked for the F.B.I. I made a fortune selling government secrets back and forth.

Global Warming

I’m doing my part to combat global warming. I keep my thermostat at zero.