TV News

I turned on my television to watch the news. As I listened to the reporter, her English was so bad that subtitles were at the bottom of the screen. I alerted my wife to the situation.
“Can you believe this?” I said. “I can’t understand a word she’s saying.”
“Dear-“ she said.
“How does she have a job?”
“You-“
“And they put subtitles instead of just firing her.”
“Uh-“
“I’m trying but it’s impossible to make sense of anything she’s saying.“
My wife walked in front of the TV blocking my view.
“You’re watching the Korean channel,” she said.
“She’s not speaking English?”
“No.

The Presidents

My history teacher spoke about Mt. Rushmore. He said 4 Presidents were carved into stone but admitted he wasn’t sure which one was President Rushmore.

Tax Time

When my son was in the 4th grade I helped him with his homework in exchange for him helping me with my taxes.

Language Conundrum

If the Spaniards speak Spanish, why don’t the Latinos speak Latin?

Shopping Malls

Shopping malls have been hurt by online sales and are going out of business so I bought one online.

Divine Inspiration

While driving, I spotted “The Church of Divine Inspiration”. Intrigued, I went in to discover a photo of me on the wall and worshippers claiming I was their savior. I looked at my wife and said, “I don’t do laundry anymore.”

My Barber

Things haven’t been the same since my last haircut. My wife didn’t recognize me. My kids thought their Mom remarried and my boss assumed I was his boss. I’m giving my barber a bigger tip.

Dad

I rarely saw my Dad as a child. He wore a Superman costume under his regular clothes. When the phone rang, he’d answer, then tear off his clothes and fly out the window. We lived on the 3nd floor. Years later I learned I didn’t see him because he was in the hospital a lot.

My Pet

I brought home my first pet – a dog. I got him from a world famous chef so he’s housebroken and can cook. He’s making me spaghetti for dinner.

Meditation

A friend suggested I meditate. I found it best to do it while I’m driving.