My Dog & Morse Code

I took my dog to obedience school. They taught him Morse code. Now when he’s hungry, he taps on the floor to tell me what he wants.


I attended a private school as a child. I never learned anything. The teachers kept it to themselves.

Paternity Test

A man claiming to be my son had a court order for a paternity test. I thought he looked too old to be my son but I took the test and the results showed I was his son.

Working my Way through College

I worked my way through college as a substitute dictator. If a government were overthrown I’d hold power until another dictator was found.


Today I will speak to my wife (who is also at home) in
Chinese. I do not know how to speak Chinese but will
make it up as I go along (and hope my wife understands

Job Resume

I’m looking for a job. I had to update my resume. For a 10-year period when I wasn’t working I put “running errands”. My wife suggested writing, “I had a cold” instead.

Virus Protection at Home

coronavirusProtecting my kids from the coronavirus!


I had a great day fishing until I was kicked out of the aquarium.


My neighbor’s wife wanted breast implants. She saw an ad from a dentist offering dental implants. She went to him thinking he just put them in differently.


On Halloween I dressed up as an elephant. It was a life-sized costume. I only went to one house before the authorities shot me with a tranquilizer.