I was fired today. I worked at the local hospital as a heart surgeon. In retrospect, I don’t know why they hired me. On the job application they asked what I’d like to do and I answered “heart surgery”. They should’ve asked, “What can I do”. Anyway, I was hired and found myself in the operating room. It didn’t take long for the medical staff to realize I didn’t know anything, but they played along. If I bought them lunch, they’d do the surgery for me. Everything was fine until the neurosurgeons wanted in on the action. Now I had to pretend to do brain surgery and buy them lunch. Then the hospital CEO learned about the situation and he wanted brunch. I told him to forget it. I could do his job. Then I was fired.
From my book – Good Morning: Your Guide to Utter Nonsense
Wannabe Comic 