Good Morning – July 30th

I woke up on the roof of my house today. I know I went to sleep in my bed and my wife insists that she didn’t drag me there. I suspect it was my cat. We haven’t been getting along ever since I cancelled Netflix.

From my book – Good Morning: Your Guide to Utter Nonsense

Good Morning – July 29th

I applied for a job at a school as a substitute teacher. I was hired and put in a classroom with substitute students.

From my book – Good Morning: Your Guide to Utter Nonsense

Good Morning – July 27th

My son told me, when he was born and saw me for the first time, he thought I’d be taller.

From my book – Good Morning: Your Guide to Utter Nonsense

Good Morning – July 23rd

My wife isn’t a very good cook. Her spaghetti and meatballs are the one exception. The meatballs can be used as hand soap.

From my book – Good Morning: Your Guide to Utter Nonsense

Good Morning – July 22th

For years I worked as a newspaper photographer but was let go. I had the bad habit of forgetting my camera. Once I had to photograph the President and asked to borrow his.

From my book – Good Morning: Your Guide to Utter Nonsense

Good Morning – July 20th

I don’t wash my fruits and vegetables. I have them dry-cleaned.

From my book – Good Morning: Your Guide to Utter Nonsense

Good Morning – July 16th

I wrote a science fiction novel. The story takes place on a planet where basketballs go around dribbling people.

From my book – Good Morning: Your Guide to Utter Nonsense

Good Morning – July 14th

My mother redecorated her house. She held a séance and claimed a ghost made the suggestions. After seeing the results I told her to get a new ghost.

From my book – Good Morning: Your Guide to Utter Nonsense

Good Morning – July 13th

I have a problem with my eyesight. I see spots. Every night I look into the sky and see a big one. I saw a doctor and he said it was the moon. I didn’t know they called dust spots “the moon”.

From my book – Good Morning: Your Guide to Utter Nonsense

Good Morning – July 10th

I stopped eating healthy. I felt so good I didn’t recognize the feeling and thought something was wrong.

From my book – Good Morning: Your Guide to Utter Nonsense