Camping Trip

I bought some dehydrated meals for a camping trip. It came packaged with dehydrated water. Not sure what to do.

Viral Post

I videotaped my 6-month road trip across the country. I uploaded the entire trip on the Internet. It’s 4,368 hours long. It went viral.

Busy Lives

We all have busy lives and look for ways to save time.
Here’s what I do-
1- I wash my fruits and vegetables when I shower.
2- Also while I shower, I wear clothes that need washing.
3- I cook all my meals for the month at the same time. Then I don’t reheat.
4- I haven’t bought clothes since I was 20. Everything is too small, but I make do.
5- I have an artificial Christmas Tree. It’s been up for 15 years.
6- I clean the house using a leaf blower and blowing the dirt out the windows.
What do you do to save time?

Driver’s Ed

Thinking about my dad today. He taught me how to drive. He had one rule. He said, “Son, never use the steering wheel.”

Education

When I was in elementary school, the teachers ignored the students. In the 8th grade I built an entire automobile in the rear of my classroom. The teacher didn’t notice until I drove the car to the front of the class to hand in my history report.

From my book Good Morning: Your Guide to Utter Nonsense Available on Amazon.

Watching the News

I turned on my television to watch the news. As I listened to the reporter, her English was so bad that subtitles were at the bottom of the screen. I wondered how she got the job. I alerted my wife to the situation.
“Can you believe this?” I said. “I can’t understand a word she’s saying.”
“Dear-“ she said.
“How does she have a job?”
“You-“
“And they put subtitles instead of just firing her.”
“Uh-“
“I’m trying but it’s impossible to make sense of anything she’s saying.“
My wife walked in front of the TV blocking my view.
“Listen to me,” she said. “You’re watching the Russian channel.”
“She’s not speaking English?”
“No.”

Work from Home

I woke up late today for work. I work in a shoe factory on an assembly line stitching together shoes. I called my boss to let him know. He told me to work from home. 

From my book Good Morning: Your Guide to Utter Nonsense Available on Amazon.

Albert Einstein

While I don’t have the intelligence of Albert Einstein, he doesn’t have my pants.

Vacation

Just returned from vacation. It was a short one, but I made the most of it. I drove to the nearest theme park and said hello to the security guard. My neighbors are from New Mexico and I’m learning to speak New Mexican. Visited a museum that had an exhibit about museums. Had lunch at a deli. I ate their “Bread Sandwich”. It’s a slice of rye bread between two slices of pumpernickel. It was an exciting day.

From my book Good Morning: Your Guide to Utter Nonsense Available on Amazon.

Blind Date

I tried going on a blind date but we were both blindfolded and couldn’t find each other.

From my book Good Morning: Your Guide to Utter Nonsense Available on Amazon.