Healthy Eating

I stopped eating healthy. I felt so good I didn’t recognize the feeling and thought something was wrong.

Teaching

I applied for a job at a school as a substitute teacher. I was hired and put in a classroom with substitute students.

My Brother, The Baker

My brother, a baker, sold a specialty line of exploding birthday cakes. Imagine his surprise when he bought a dog from a store that specialized in exploding pets.

Best Days

Something I spotted on another website –

“I used to think the best days of my life might involve marriage, children, maybe career success. Then visiting my brother in Perth, Australia I saw a pelican do a massive fly-by shit on a toddler’s head. Game over.”

Bow & Arrow

My father was an old-fashioned provider. He hunted with a bow & arrow. There was never a problem until he came to the canned-good section in the supermarket.

Nightmare

I awoke this morning covered in sweat. At first I thought I had filed my IRS taxes (I do that while I’m sleeping) but my wife said I had a nightmare. She said that I had been screaming, “I don’t want to get married!” which she took personally. (Don’t understand why.) Slowly I remembered the dream. It was the typical story. Boy meets girl. Boy falls in love with girl. Boy wants to marry girl. Then boy discovers girl is a cannibal and changes his mind. That nightmare reminded me of my first love. Except she was a vegetarian. I ran screaming then too.

Strange but True!

“In 1973, Ronald Smith claimed that he was invincible and was willing to take on any challengers. A junkyard in his town responded with the challenge of him escaping from their automobile compactor. Smith accepted the offer and allowed himself to be seated in a 1965 Chevy, which was placed in the compacter and crushed into a one-inch cube. Men screamed, women fainted and children applauded when Mr. Smith emerged from the compactor as the world’s only one inch man.”

Car Rental

I needed to rent a car but the dealer didn’t have any on the lot. He suggested another company but they only rented trains.

Winning Ticket

I had the winning ticket at a raffle. When I asked about the prize, I was told it was the ticket.

Mobile Home

I bought a mobile home. Everyday I find it in a different town.