Newspapers

I delivered newspapers as a boy. Recently an old customer said she didn’t get the paper on July 20, 1969. I found one for her. Imagine her surprise to learn we had landed on the moon.

Looking for a Job

I applied for a job at the unemployment office. They asked for my qualifications. I said I was unemployed. They said I was overqualified.

Dating

Dating was difficult for me. Women did not like it when I’d show up in my shorts, asking for something to wear.

Talking Dog

talking dog

My dog loves doing his DeNiro impression.

Plumbing Problem

I installed a new faucet on my kitchen sink. When I use it, the toilet flushes in my neighbor’s house.

Hats

My wife said I look good in hats. I was wearing a shower cap at the time.

Telemarketers

I have 2 phone lines. When I get 2 telemarketing calls I put the phones together and let the telemarketers talk to each other.

Runaway

I never owned a dog and didn’t want to make a commitment, so I bought one from a store that guarantees it will run away after 30 days.