Multiple Mysteries

Can you explain…
– Who were the Watermelon Men of Los Angeles?
– Who was the well-dressed businessman found buried under 2 feet of ice in the Antarctica?
– Who were the people living in Australia that ate a diet of mostly size 12 shoes?
– Bigfoot… Who is this creature? Is it just a foot or does it have a whole body attached?

My Newborn Son

I bought a book “10,000 Baby Names”. After reading the choices I decided to name my son after the book.

First Date

Call me a romantic, but if a woman doesn’t have me arrested after our first date, it’s because she likes me.

One-Size-Fits-All

Why can’t they make a one-size-fits-all shoe? They make a one-size-fits-all toothbrush.

McDonald’s

I was working at McDonald’s when a customer ordered “ketchup only” and that’s what he got. Ketchup only on a bun, no meat.
When the customer discovered it, he said, “you forgot the meat”.
“You said ‘Ketchup only’ so that’s what I gave you,” I replied. “You gotta ask for the meat.”

Newsboy

I delivered newspapers when I was 12. I wanted to deliver babies but no one would hire me.

My Father, the Surgeon

My father earned money doing odd jobs. At times he was a janitor, a window washer and a heart surgeon. Once, in the middle of surgery, he was called away to unclog a toilet.

Favorite Time of Year

My favorite time of the year is daytime. I don’t know why people choose a season.

King Kong

A film magazine requested I write a review of the 1933 movie “King Kong”.

King Kong

A film I both loved and hated. A film that is both confusing and enlightening. A film that explores the human condition and what it’s like to sit still.
I loved the scene of the wicked witch. I loved the scene of the boat sinking. I loved the scene of flying saucer exploding. This movie, this didactic experiment, took me on a journey into the unknown. The scenes photographed in black & white examined the soul of a man and the expressions of a goat. Those moments filled me with terror and elation knowing the protagonist would be punished. The scenes filmed in color provided an emotional lift similar to my experience of riding in a bus.
I have always believed a movie that moves me is a movie to avoid. And, on the opposite side, a movie that doesn’t move me is a movie to see. Please, do yourself a favor and see “King Kong”. It is a masterpiece.
(After handing in my film review, the magazine editor informed me that King Kong is about a giant ape and they didn’t know what movie I had written about. Rereading my article, I didn’t either but I did rent a copy of King Kong. My quickie review – It’s great fun!”)

Retirement

I started my retirement fund when I was 10. Now that I’m over 50, I have reached my goal but I’ve run out of space for all the canned food I’ve saved.