Space Travel

NASA requested I write an article for their magazine-

Where No Man Has Gone Before…

Space travel. Unquestionably dangerous, but safer than getting a haircut from a dolphin, mankind has dreamt of travel in outer space. We began our journey by sending monkeys into orbit followed by white men in astronaut suits. (These men were specially picked because they couldn’t tan at the beach. NASA thought that orbiting them closer to the sun would help.) After nearly a decade of hard work, on July 20, 1969, Apollo 11 touched down on the surface of the moon! And, just to prove that we could now go anywhere, six months later Apollo 12 touched down on the surface of China! There was no stopping us now.
During the 1970’s there was a change in strategy. Astronauts remained in earth orbit (they were all men and their wives wanted them closer to home to help with the laundry) while we sent machines into the outer reaches of the solar system. One probe named Voyager had a recorded message. If found by extraterrestrials it said, “Hello! I am from the planet Earth. Do you have the time?” (It spoke in English because in every movie the aliens always spoke English so it was assumed they did in real life.)
As we continue to explore, space experts predict that private citizens will own their own spaceships and fly to the moon and beyond. My gut response was that would never happen but after seeing a man suck an egg up his nose I’m not sure. Anything’s possible.

From my book – Good Morning: Your Guide to Utter Nonsense

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