NASA Called . . .

I received a phone call from NASA informing me I had been accepted into their astronaut- training program. Very surprised, I said I had never applied. There was an awkward silence for several seconds before being asked, “Do you want to be an astronaut?” I said that I hadn’t thought about it.
“Well, do you?” repeated the NASA employee.
“I’m not good at math and I’m not a scientist,” I said.
“You got a car?”
“Yes.”
“You’re in.”
“All I need is a car to be an astronaut?” I said.
“Yea,” whispered the NASA employee. “Presently the astronauts all take the bus. Do you know how it feels when you have the rocket all ready to blast off, the press is here, the world is watching and the astronauts are shown getting off the #93 bus before walking into the space center?”
“No.”
“It’s embarrassing. So we’re looking for wannabe astronauts who own a car. Do you want to join?”
I’m driving to Florida.

From my book – Good Morning: Your Guide to Utter Nonsense

The Astronaut

I received a phone call from NASA informing me that I had been accepted into
their astronaut-training program. Very surprised, I said that I had never applied. There was an awkward silence for several seconds before being asked, “Do you want to be an astronaut?”
“I’m not good at math and I’m not a scientist,” I said.
“We’re not either,” answered NASA. “You got a car?”
I said yes.
“You’re in.”
“All I need is a car to be an astronaut?”
“Yea,” whispered the NASA employee. “Presently the astronauts all take the bus to get here. Do you know how it feels when you have the rocket all ready to blast off, the press is here, the world is watching and the astronauts are shown getting off the #93 bus before walking into the space center?”
“No.”
“It’s embarrassing,” stated the NASA employee. “So we’re looking for wannabe astronauts who own a car. Do you want to join?”
I’m driving down to Florida.

Becoming an Astronaut

On occasion I write articles for publication. This was published in a NASA journal.

Becoming an Astronaut

How many of us have dreamt of becoming an astronaut? To be launched into space at a speed of 17,600 mph? After reaching orbit, you circle the Earth 16 times per day. You will see our planet as few have seen it. How many wish for THE adventure?
Speaking for myself, not me! Here’s my list –
– I can’t walk to the store for morning coffee.
– There’s a half million pieces of space garbage orbiting at high speed. It’s “game over” if
you’re hit!
– Using the toilet. Let’s not go there.
– No Amazon Prime delivery.
– Did you know that your eyeballs change shape when you’re in space?
– You’re an easier target for alien abduction.
– You can’t make crank phone calls.
– I can’t walk my dog.
– Not sure if I can watch Netflix.
– Can’t play poker. Cards will float away. (That does make cheating easier. I might have
to reconsider this one.)
– Can’t open window if someone farts.
And you still get telemarketer calls.

Applying for a Job

I applied for a job in a restaurant. The man interviewing me said that he wanted someone with astronaut experience. I showed him a photo of the moon that I kept in my wallet. I start next week.

To be continued…

Good Morning – June 1st

I received a phone call from NASA informing me I had been accepted into their astronaut- training program. Very surprised, I said I had never applied. There was an awkward silence for several seconds before being asked, “Do you want to be an astronaut?” I said that I hadn’t thought about it.
“Well, do you?” repeated the NASA employee.
“I’m not good at math and I’m not a scientist,” I said.
“You got a car?”
“Yes.”
“You’re in.”
“All I need is a car to be an astronaut?” I said.
“Yea,” whispered the NASA employee. “Presently the astronauts all take the bus. Do you know how it feels when you have the rocket all ready to blast off, the press is here, the world is watching and the astronauts are shown getting off the #93 bus before walking into the space center?”
“No.”
“It’s embarrassing. So we’re looking for wannabe astronauts who own a car. Do you want to join?”
I’m driving to Florida.

From my book – Good Morning: Your Guide to Utter Nonsense

The Astronaut

I received a phone call from NASA informing me that I had been accepted into
their astronaut-training program. Very surprised, I said that I had never applied. There was an awkward silence for several seconds before being asked, “Do you want to be an astronaut?”
“I’m not good at math and I’m not a scientist,” I said.
“We’re not either,” answered NASA. “You got a car?”
I said yes.
“You’re in.”
“All I need is a car to be an astronaut?”
“Yea,” whispered the NASA employee. “Presently the astronauts all take the bus to get here. Do you know how it feels when you have the rocket all ready to blast off, the press is here, the world is watching and the astronauts are shown getting off the #93 bus before walking into the space center?”
“No.”
“It’s embarrassing,” stated the NASA employee. “So we’re looking for wannabe astronauts who own a car. Do you want to join?”
I’m driving down to Florida.

Dream Job

I’ve always wanted to be an astronaut. So I moved to Hollywood, went to acting school and auditioned for dozens of movies, never getting the job. I almost gave up on my dream when I discovered a place called NASA. Maybe I’ll try there.

Becoming an Astronaut

On occasion I write articles for publication. This was published in a NASA journal.

Becoming an Astronaut

How many of us have dreamt of becoming an astronaut? To be launched into space at a speed of 17,600 mph? After reaching orbit, you circle the Earth 16 times per day. You will see our planet as few have seen it. How many wish for THE adventure?
Speaking for myself, not me! Here’s my list –
– I can’t walk to the store for morning coffee.
– There’s a half million pieces of space garbage orbiting at high speed. It’s “game over” if
you’re hit!
– Using the toilet. Let’s not go there.
– No Amazon Prime delivery.
– Did you know that your eyeballs change shape when you’re in space?
– You’re an easier target for alien abduction.
– You can’t make crank phone calls.
– I can’t walk my dog.
– Not sure if I can watch Netflix.
– Can’t play poker. Cards will float away. (That does make cheating easier. I might have
to reconsider this one.)
– Can’t open window if someone farts.
And you still get telemarketer calls.

Astronaut

astronaut

I passed the physical.
Now I’m being measured for my space suit.
Soon I’ll be heading to Mars!

Telemarketer

My neighbor was an astronaut for NASA. Unfortunately his salary didn’t pay all his bills so he had to moonlight as a telemarketer while aboard the International Space Station.