Eggs

I learned something today. If you boil water to make a hard-boiled egg and forget about it, the water will evaporate and the egg will explode. I didn’t know water evaporated.

Jellybeans

I heard that you don’t cook jellybeans. I’m confused. I cook all the other beans I eat.

My Mother Called

My mother called today to complain. (So what else is new?) She says that I don’t like her cooking but that isn’t true. I’m afraid of it. A nearby hospital is using it to cure cancer and the government says that it’s causing global warming. So I’m left wondering, just what is in those spaghetti and meatballs?

Eggs

I learned something today. If you boil water to make a hard-boiled egg and forget about it, the water will evaporate and the egg will explode. I didn’t know water evaporated.

Jellybeans

I heard that you don’t cook jellybeans. I’m confused. I cook all the other beans I eat.

Good Afternoon…..Day 93

My mother called today to complain. She says I don’t like her cooking but that isn’t true. I’m afraid of it. A nearby hospital is using it to cure cancer and the government says that it’s causing global warming. So I’m left wondering, just what is in those spaghetti and meatballs?

Good Morning…..Day 232

My mother called today to complain. (So what else is new?) She says that I don’t like her cooking but that isn’t true. I’m afraid of it. A nearby hospital is using it to cure cancer and the government says that it’s causing global warming. So I’m left wondering, just what is in those spaghetti and meatballs?

Good Morning…..Day 69

I had a rough night. At around 10PM I was abducted by aliens and taken to their spaceship. It was a 12 room split-level with wood floors, several bedrooms, a living room and kitchen. (Not at all what I expected in a UFO. I assumed the floors would be tile.)
They asked me if I knew how to make lasagna. (Naturally they didn’t speak English but were able to communicate telepathically.)
“Not great, but yes, I know how,” I said (thought).
This is where it got rough. A fight broke out amongst the aliens. Half wanted lasagna and the other half wanted beer. The beer aliens grabbed me and commandeered the UFO to take me to a liquor store. The lasagna aliens seized me back from the beer aliens and locked me in a closet while they fought. Luckily I had my cell phone and called 911 but the police didn’t want to get involved. They suggested I call the State Department. I did, but then they referred me to the Department of Homeland Security. No one picked up. It went to voice mail.
Eventually the aliens compromised. They took me to both a supermarket and liquor store to get everything. So after cooking lasagna and buying lots of beer, I finally got home around 3 AM.
When they dropped me off, they said, “See ya soon Buddy!”
I’m searching for a great chicken recipe.

The Cook

colander

This is what happens when my wife cooks for me.
Her cooking will be the subject of my next book.
(If I live to write it.)