Unexpected Letter

I buried my uncle two weeks ago. Yesterday I received a letter from him asking for more socks and underwear.

Mom Called

I received a call from my mom today. She always calls after she sets someone’s house on fire. (I wonder if it was someone I know.)

Family Conversation

I didn’t start talking until I was 8. My mom thought I had a developmental problem. Actually I was avoiding conversation with my family.

Good Morning – September 16th

I was sorting family photos when I realized I didn’t recognize anyone.

From my book – Good Morning: Your Guide to Utter Nonsense

Unexpected Letter

I buried my uncle two weeks ago. Yesterday I received a letter from him asking for more socks and underwear.

Mom Called

I received a call from my mom today. She always calls after she sets someone’s house on fire. (I wonder if it was someone I know.)

Family Conversation

I didn’t start talking until I was 8. My mom thought I had a developmental problem. Actually I was avoiding conversation with my family.

Dating

I found out some troubling news recently. My mother told me I have a brother I’ve never met. I also found out he likes to dress up as a woman. And, without my knowing it, I’ve been dating him.

Morning Confusion

I had a confusing morning. I couldn’t find my eyeglasses and everything was blurry. I sat on my bed while my wife spoke but I didn’t understand a word she said. Then a man walked into the room and asked me a question. I also couldn’t understand him. Finally there was a knock on the front door. My wife answered it and, standing in the doorway, was my real wife.
“Honey,” she called.
I was even more confused.
“You did it again,” she said. “You went home to the wrong apartment.”
“I didn’t understand a word they said.”
“They’re talking in Italian.”
“How come they didn’t complain when I got into bed with them?”
My wife shrugged.
I left, thanking them for their hospitality. The Italian woman gave me a loaf of bread as a parting gift.

Friends

It’s been several years since I’ve seen my best friend Jack. We grew up together losing touch after college. He called and wanted to meet up at a coffee shop.
“Jack!” I said, confused and shaking his hand.
“It’s great seeing you too,” he replied, puzzled and shaking mine.
We stared at each other in disbelief. Apparently we had both completely forgotten what the other looked like.
“So Jack, how’s my sister doing?”
“She’s fine.”
Jack’s my brother-in-law.