Who is LuAnne Kramer?

LuAnne Kramer holds the record as the world’s most misidentified woman. For years, thousands of people have mistaken her for somebody else with the height of error coming when a supermarket shopper grabbed Ms. Kramer thinking that she was a loaf of whole wheat bread.

Wisdom

“Plato was quoted saying ‘Questioning people on their deathbed
only leaves us with many unanswered questions, or the
sudden realization that now we can never collect the money owed us.’”

My Brother…

My brother was born with a rare illness known as “Alka-Seltzeritiz”.
After he was given his first bath, he just fizzed away.

Free Today!

My new book – The Flat Earth Gang – is available as a free ebook download today – Friday, January 29, 2021.

The story – Jim, a photographer, and Elaine, a travel agent, were enjoying their time together in Dublin, Ireland when a flat Earth believer approached Jim changing the next week of his life—for the worst. He had become a pawn between factions of the flat Earth movement when he was handed a digital camera’s memory card. Thus beginning a journey combining a mystery, suspense and thriller with light humor.
Rogue agents of the movement sought to destroy the card believing it had information damaging to their political goals. They chased, kidnapped, and threatened Jim to hand it over. He resisted, knowing he’d need the card as evidence against the pursuers. At the same time, he sought help from computer hackers to decipher an encrypted file on the memory card hoping it would explain everything.What began as a romantic getaway escalated into an international incident.

Here’s the LINK.   (Click “Buy it now” for FREE download NOT “Read for Free” which is Kindle Unlimited – an Amazon reading membership.)

And here’s a link, if needed, for the free Kindle app for Mac or PC.

At the Crossroads

My nephew is at a crossroads. He’s entering college and can’t decide on a major. I suggested philosophy. I said that as a philosopher you never have to be right. You make suggestions, have opinions, speak extemporaneously and don’t have to concern yourself with facts. There is only one exception. You have to know how to spell “Nietzsche”. And if you can grow a mustache like him, that’ll guarantee you a job.

The Martians Invaded

I started writing a novel today. The title is “The Martians Invaded.” It is the tale of a married couple becoming bank robbers. My wife suggests that the book’s title is misleading. I pointed out that the couple’s name was Jim and Patty Martian. The title is not misleading at all.

Who is LuAnne Kramer?

LuAnne Kramer holds the record as the world’s most misidentified woman. For years, thousands of people have mistaken her for somebody else with the height of error coming when a supermarket shopper grabbed Ms. Kramer thinking that she was a loaf of whole wheat bread.

England Called

I received a call from the British Embassy. They were confirming my meeting with Queen Elizabeth. I replied that they had confused me with someone else. They insisted that I must meet the Queen as the arrangements have been made and I would be insulting her, Great Britain and all its citizens if I declined. They said a limo had been sent to take me to the airport, I would be flying first class, put up at a fancy hotel and then I would meet Her Royal Majesty. Realizing that their mistake had provided me with a free vacation, I said, “I’ll be ready in 5 minutes.”
The ride to the airport, the flight, the hotel, everything was fantastic! Then came time to meet the Queen. I arrived early, waiting in the lobby of Buckingham Palace. Eventually she appeared, walked over, and asked me how the trip went.
“Wonderful,” I replied.
“Oh, before I forget, here’s your change.” She handed me some British coins. She noticed the puzzled look on my face. “When you were in London last month, they overcharged when you visited the Tower of London. Now you have the correct change.” Upon finishing her sentence, she turned and walked away.
I counted the changed. She came up short. I kept my mouth shut hoping there would be another trip when she realized her mistake.

My Mother Called

My mother called today to complain. (So what else is new?) She says that I don’t like her cooking but that isn’t true. I’m afraid of it. A nearby hospital is using it to cure cancer and the government says that it’s causing global warming. So I’m left wondering, just what is in those spaghetti and meatballs?

Marital Problems

I awoke today feeling depressed. My wife left me recently. She said it was because I slept on a mattress covered in granola bars. I was confused. I took them out of the wrappers.