Looking for Work

I considered becoming a political revolutionary until I learned the hours weren’t steady and you couldn’t collect unemployment.

Fired

I was fired from my job today. I worked at the local hospital as a heart surgeon. In retrospect, I don’t know why they hired me. On the job application they asked what I’d like to do and I answered “heart surgery”. They should’ve asked, “What CAN I do”. Anyway, I was hired and found myself in the operating room. It didn’t take long for the medical staff to realize I didn’t know anything, but they played along. If I bought them lunch, they’d do the surgery for me. Everything was fine until the neurosurgeons wanted in on the action. Now I had to pretend to do brain surgery and buy them lunch. Then the hospital CEO learned about the situation and he wanted brunch. I told him forget it. I could DO his job. Then I was fired.

Looking for a Job

I applied for a job at the unemployment office. They asked for my qualifications. I said I was unemployed. They said I was overqualified.

Unemployed

I was fired today. I worked at the local hospital as a heart surgeon. In retrospect, I don’t know why they hired me. On the job application they asked what I’d like to do and I answered “heart surgery”. They should’ve asked, “What can I do”. Anyway, I was hired and found myself in the operating room. It didn’t take long for the medical staff to realize I didn’t know anything, but they played along. If I bought them lunch, they’d do the surgery for me. Everything was fine until the neurosurgeons wanted in on the action. Now I had to pretend to do brain surgery and buy them lunch. Then the hospital CEO learned about the situation and he wanted brunch. I told him to forget it. I could do his job. Then I was fired.

From my book – Good Morning: Your Guide to Utter Nonsense

Lost my job…

I was fired from my job for combing my hair all day.
I told my boss, I thought that WAS my job.

Good Morning – May 19th

I was fired today. I worked at the local hospital as a heart surgeon. In retrospect, I don’t know why they hired me. On the job application they asked what I’d like to do and I answered “heart surgery”. They should’ve asked, “What can I do”. Anyway, I was hired and found myself in the operating room. It didn’t take long for the medical staff to realize I didn’t know anything, but they played along. If I bought them lunch, they’d do the surgery for me. Everything was fine until the neurosurgeons wanted in on the action. Now I had to pretend to do brain surgery and buy them lunch. Then the hospital CEO learned about the situation and he wanted brunch. I told him to forget it. I could do his job. Then I was fired.

From my book – Good Morning: Your Guide to Utter Nonsense

Looking for Work

I considered becoming a political revolutionary until I learned the hours weren’t steady and you couldn’t collect unemployment.

Fired

I was fired from my job today. I worked at the local hospital as a heart surgeon. In retrospect, I don’t know why they hired me. On the job application they asked what I’d like to do and I answered “heart surgery”. They should’ve asked, “What CAN I do”. Anyway, I was hired and found myself in the operating room. It didn’t take long for the medical staff to realize I didn’t know anything, but they played along. If I bought them lunch, they’d do the surgery for me. Everything was fine until the neurosurgeons wanted in on the action. Now I had to pretend to do brain surgery and buy them lunch. Then the hospital CEO learned about the situation and he wanted brunch. I told him forget it. I could DO his job. Then I was fired.

Looking for a Job

I applied for a job at the unemployment office. They asked for my qualifications. I said I was unemployed. They said I was overqualified.

Unemployed

I was fired today. I worked at the local hospital as a heart surgeon. In retrospect, I don’t know why they hired me. On the job application they asked what I’d like to do and I answered “heart surgery”. They should’ve asked, “What can I do”. Anyway, I was hired and found myself in the operating room. It didn’t take long for the medical staff to realize I didn’t know anything, but they played along. If I bought them lunch, they’d do the surgery for me. Everything was fine until the neurosurgeons wanted in on the action. Now I had to pretend to do brain surgery and buy them lunch. Then the hospital CEO learned about the situation and he wanted brunch. I told him to forget it. I could do his job. Then I was fired.