Time to Move

My wife wants to move. The people in the apartment above us communicate using Morse code and the tapping is driving her nuts.

Sleeping on the Couch

I had an argument with my wife and had to sleep on the couch. We’ve made up but I’m staying on the couch. It’s more comfortable. We had another argument, so now I have to sleep in the bed while she’s on the couch.

Wife Problems

I awoke today feeling depressed. My wife left me recently. She said it was because I slept on a mattress covered in granola bars. I was confused. I took them out of the wrappers.

Dietary Habits

You can never tell how your dietary habits will change. I stopped eating potatoes when my wife started to look like one.

My Wife and My Mother

My wife has much in common with my mother. They both had their teeth knocked out in a barroom fight.

Good Morning – September 7th

I surprised my wife with flowers for her birthday and sang her a song. She never heard me sing and called 911.

From my book – Good Morning: Your Guide to Utter Nonsense

Happy Mother’s Day

happy mother's day

“Happy Mother’s Day” to my wife. I slept in attic to give her the whole bed for night. (Social Distancing)

Time to Move

My wife wants to move. The people in the apartment above us communicate using Morse code and the tapping is driving her nuts.

Sleeping on the Couch

I had an argument with my wife and had to sleep on the couch. We’ve made up but I’m staying on the couch. It’s more comfortable. We had another argument, so now I have to sleep in the bed while she’s on the couch.

Potatoes

You can never tell how your dietary habits will change. I stopped eating potatoes when my wife started to look like one.