Dedicated Employee

I worked as a security guard in a funeral parlor. There was an incident where a deceased man wasn’t deceased and he tried to leave. I made sure he didn’t.

Work from Home

I woke up late today for work. I work in a shoe factory on an assembly line stitching together shoes. I called my boss to let him know. He told me to work from home. 

From my book Good Morning: Your Guide to Utter Nonsense Available on Amazon.

Dream Job

I’ve always wanted to be an astronaut. So I moved to Hollywood, went to acting school and auditioned for dozens of movies, never getting the job. I almost gave up on my dream when I discovered a place called NASA. Maybe I’ll try there.

Dedicated Employee

I worked as a security guard in a funeral parlor. There was an incident where a deceased man wasn’t deceased and he tried to leave. I made sure he didn’t.

College Student

I got a job working in a circus to pay for college. Eventually the college threw me out because I was followed by clowns all day.

Layoffs

I arrived at work to hear my boss announce there would be layoffs and he had given our paychecks to strangers on the street. He said employees who found the people with their checks could keep their jobs.

Job Resume

I’m looking for a job. I had to update my resume. For a 10-year period when I wasn’t working I put “running errands”. My wife suggested, “I had a cold”. My brother suggested  “lost at sea”. I went with that.

My Boss

My boss came to work wearing 2 pairs of pants. He hadn’t done the laundry so he used the second pair as a shirt.

Work from Home

I woke up late today for work. I work in a shoe factory on an assembly line stitching together shoes. I called my boss to let him know. He told me to work from home. 

Wanted: Someone with Astronaut Experience

I applied for a job in a restaurant. The man interviewing me said that he wanted someone with astronaut experience. I showed him a photo of the moon that I kept in my wallet. I start next week.