When I was in elementary school, the teachers ignored the students. In the 8th grade I built an entire automobile in the rear of my classroom. The teacher didn’t notice until I drove the car to the front of the class to hand in my history report.

From my book Good Morning: Your Guide to Utter Nonsense Available on Amazon.

Bath Time

My mother never gave me a bath as a baby. Instead, she strapped me to the roof of the car and drove through a car wash.


I spent the day riding the subway with a woman who thought it was an underground amusement park.

Old Camera

My wife saw me holding an antique camera I wanted to buy. I said, “They don’t make film for it anymore.” She said, “That’s a good thing.”

How to . . .

My local bookstore sells only “How To” books. I asked for a copy of “How to Sell Anything”. They didn’t have it.

First Grade

I saw my First Grade teacher and she remembered I missed a spelling test. She mailed me a copy. I took it and failed. Now I have to repeat 1st Grade.

Wallet Photos

I keep a photo of my grocery list alongside photos of my wife and children in my wallet.

Who is LuAnne Kramer?

LuAnne Kramer holds the record as the world’s most misidentified woman. For years, thousands of people have mistaken her for somebody else with the height of error coming when a supermarket shopper grabbed Ms. Kramer thinking that she was a loaf of whole wheat bread.


“Plato was quoted saying ‘Questioning people on their deathbed
only leaves us with many unanswered questions, or the
sudden realization that now we can never collect the money owed us.’”

My Brother…

My brother was born with a rare illness known as “Alka-Seltzeritiz”.
After he was given his first bath, he just fizzed away.